As a parent, the journey of raising my children has been filled with countless moments of joy, challenges, and self-discovery. Over the years, I've come to embrace a profound approach to parenting that I wholeheartedly believe in: "Parenting with Purpose." One time, I told my teenage child, "we are African, we no dey born pickin throwaway". This was my way of saying I will not give on you, despite the setbacks and push-backs. This philosophy of PWP has fundamentally transformed my perspective on the role of a parent and the impact I can have on my children's lives.
Parenting with Purpose, means having a clear vision and intention behind every decision and action in our role as parents.
It's about defining our family values and long-term goals [for having kids ๐], and consciously aligning our parenting choices with these guiding principles. This mindset has brought a profound sense of direction to my parenting journey. I change from 'winging-it' to owning my role (includes joys and challenges) as a parent.
One of the most empowering aspects of PWP is the recognition that every choice matters. From the everyday decisions like setting routines and discipline, to the larger choices about education and extra-curricular activities. I discuss the choices and reasons with my children who are now of the age to understand the consequences of these decisions. I've learned that each choice and the conversations we have has the potential to shape my children's character and future.
Communication is at the heart of this approach. My mother at 69 years will tell me it is her duty to talk and tell me what is. By openly discussing her family values and expectations with me, we've created a climate of trust and understanding. Yes, it took me while to grasp this and I can imagine my children are not there yet. Still, we must openly communicate with our children. Our children know what's expected of them and why, fostering a sense of responsibility and respect for our family's core values.
Teaching essential life skills is been another cornerstone of PWP. Beyond academics, I find way to actively teach our children skills like problem-solving, emotional intelligence, and empathy. These skills equip them to navigate life's challenges with resilience and adaptability. I find ways for them to learn technical skills that can be applied to career and home as an adult.
Quality time has become a recent struggle as they kids grow and have different preferences. Still, we find ways to create shared experiences like library visits, road trips, movie nights and create meaningful conversations which one child dubbed 'mummy life lessons'. These moments have deepened our connection with my children.
Being a positive role model has also become a central tenet. I learnt to recognize that my actions speak louder than words, and strive to embody the values I want my children to embrace. It can be challenging because I first had to learn to discipline myself in the things I want to change. Yes, change starts with me. Parents should be the change they want to see in their children. Aside that, I seek role models like Kobe Bryant to a teenager who loves basketball.
Fostering independence with guidance has been a delicate balance. As parents in the UK, we worry about some societal practices that are not so rampant in our home country. How do we balance the values of our African culture in a more independent society? I am gradually allowing some independence outside the home with responsibilities and decisions appropriate to their age and maturity. This approach empowers the teenage child to develop a sense of autonomy while knowing they have my support. Preserving our cultural heritage and instilling moral and ethical principles creates a strong sense of identity and a deep understanding of right and wrong.
Whose role is meant to adapt when we parent with purpose? Should my children adopt the same valued interest as I do? Authoritarian parenting would not work when we PWP. Adaptability has been key to what few successes I have as a parent. While I may have clear values and goals, I have also learned that each child is unique, have their ow personalities and different needs. It is not a one-size-fit all in the same household, let alone across different households. I continuously reflect on parenting practices, seeking opportunities for growth and improvement as a parent.
Some of us may have academics, counselors or religion as a guiding light in our parenting journey. What is underneath each of this is our ability to reflection about who we are as parents. It's a mindset that has brought clarity, intentions, and a deep sense of fulfillment to my duty as a parent. While we may not have all the answers, we navigate this journey with purpose, knowing that our actions today shape the resilient, empathetic, and empowered adults our children will become tomorrow.
โก๏ธ What aspects or principles of PWP mentioned applies to you today?
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